Visiting Mom and Dad

I spend a few hours each week at my parents’ house, usually on Mondays. (For someone with a memory disorder, routine is key.) This week I went on Tuesday, because Mom and Dad had back-to-back dentist appointments on Monday. All I can say about that, folks, is FLOSS. FLOSS WHILE YOU’RE YOUNG. The more you “hate the dentist,” the more you should care about flossing. Go floss. I’ll wait.

OK? OK.

When I visit, I bring my parents lunch, pick up prescriptions, pay the bills, change light bulbs and batteries, and fix whatever random things needs fixing. (It’s a mystery to me why there is almost always at least one light bulb or battery that needs replacing. In decades of home ownership, I don’t think I’ve replaced as many bulbs and batteries as I have since I started doing it at my parents’ house.) And, of course, I hear what’s been going on with them, and help where I can.

Mom’s been having auditory hallucinations again — she is convinced that the next door neighbor’s son is watching her every move, and she hears him narrate everything she does. She says he killed his “gay lover” in the backyard, and now he’s going to kill her and my Dad. She says he watches her with stolen binoculars. In real life, this is a nice kid who just graduated from college and wants to be a priest. Mom has, on occasion, called the police to report his evil plans. The police check in with the neighbor. The neighbor calls me, understandably beside herself. I try to calm everyone down.

The hallucinations are so real to Mom that she does not feel safe on that side of the house. She relates them as if they are real: “he said,” not “I heard him say.” When I point out that he can’t see through walls, and there’s no way she would be able to hear him speak, she can perceive that it’s her brain doing this to her. But, it still does it to her. Her psychiatrist has instructed her to double her dose of the medicine that’s supposed to keep the hallucinations at bay.

In the meantime, she said, she came to the kitchen this morning and saw a skillet in the sink that had obviously been used to cook scrambled eggs. She said she had no memory of having cooked or eaten the eggs — the whole experience was a blank. “Well,” said Dad,”you should probably add that last night also included you drinking an entire bottle of Kendall Jackson Chardonnay and singing along to Burt Bacharach’s Best during the PBS on-air fundraiser.”

So, yeah. There’s that. I hadn’t the heart to tell them that based on the empty carton in the trash, the sell-by date on those eggs was in February. The damage, if there was any, had been done.

Most weeks, I end up bringing something home from my parents’ house. This has become kind of the fun part — you never know what it might be (especially if I’m making progress cleaning out the kitchen). For a long time, it was garden hose. My Dad had an astonishing amount of garden hose stored who knows where, which he parceled out to me in 25′ lengths over a period of about 6 months. Aaron and I were pleased at first, because our own hoses were wearing out, and Dad’s arrived just in time to save us buying new ones. As more hose appeared week after week after week, we went from delighted to baffled to mildly inconvenienced to actively trying to pawn it off on our lovely neighbors, who are enthusiastic gardeners who know other enthusiastic gardeners and seem to find homes for such things.

There have also been countless little cardboard boxes filled with tiny things about which Dad says, hopefully, “maybe Aaron can use these?” Fittings and connectors and adapters and washers and bearings and screws… the detritus of a lifetime’s puttering around a workbench. Aaron, fortunately, is just the guy to sort through all this stuff and put a lot of it to use. To say he’s handy is the understatement of the century. To say he’s frugal is also inadequate. Best, though, and what makes me proudest to be married to him, is that he understands. He makes a point to tell Dad when one of the little thingamajigs has served some critical function without which we would all have been lost for sure. This makes my Dad very, very happy. We are making those moments happen whenever we can.

Today’s haul included a Canon printer/scanner/fax machine, which Mom says was “broken.” As near as I can tell, whenever Mom’s computer stuff doesn’t work for any reason, her “computer guy” advises her to buy new stuff, and she does. All I ask is that she not give her computer guy the old stuff, because often there is nothing whatsoever wrong with it. I fully expect the Canon to be humming away productively in our home office as soon as I plug it in. That would be cool.

I also brought home open containers of All Bran cereal from the year 2000, instant coffee from 2009, and Quaker oats from 2003. It was Josie’s turn to take out the compost, and she was not thrilled.

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