Blink! First day of school.

Summer flew, as summers fly. Robin did her “nerd camp” and then a volleyball skills camp. Josie, as promised, did “nothing,” which means she reread all the Harry Potter books and invented board games and wrote trivia questions and swam and did a kids’ triathlon and spent time with her parents and grandparents. Aaron worked on the house. I had a lull in my workflow. We all went to California to visit the west coast contingent of Aaron’s family and do some sightseeing.

In most years I’m overjoyed to get everyone (including me) back into a routine come September. I love it down to my bones, the new edge to the air, the earlier nightfall, the promise of all we’ll learn and do and feel when we get Back To It.

This year’s different. Robin’s starting high school, Josie middle school. I don’t have a child in elementary school any more. And it just seems like with the start of this school year, I’m one big step closer to their leaving me. I know, that’s as it should be. I know, it’s no more significant than any other sunrise in the inevitable march of time. I know, they were always going to leave, and I know, something would be wrong if they didn’t.

But yesterday nobody in our house was a high school student. Today, someone is. College is, like, tomorrow.

I have so little time left with them, and it’s hitting me kind of hard, just now.

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To our bus driver, on the last day of school

Dear Ben,

I am remembering Robin’s first day of kindergarten, when she was barely 5 years old, and so serious, brave and quiet, and so focused on riding that bus. Her little frog backpack was firmly in place and her little gaze so determined. You pulled to a stop at the corner, and she marched right up the bus steps as soon as the door opened! And you could have waved and gone on, but instead you said, “oh sweetie, give your Mommy a hug first. She needs one today.” You were so kind to do that. She was a little startled that she’d forgotten, and left for school happier after that hug. And oh yes, I did need one that day.

The seasons passed and every day, Josie would come to the bus stop with us to see Robin off. She’d wave at you and show you her favorite mittens (every day, all winter long) and tell you the latest news. I have no idea if you could hear much of what she babbled over the bus engine, but you always responded as if it were the most important news you’d hear all week. One day, she announced at the top of her lungs, “I’M 4! AND I’M GOING TO PRESCHOOL! AND I CAN WIPE MY OWN BUM!” and you said, “OH, WOW!” …because, well, wow.

Those have become treasured family stories, and you’ve been a treasured presence in my girls’ young lives. I know we are only one of many families who feel this way. We are so grateful. Thank you.

Have a wonderful summer. We will see each other around town, and we’ll always wave at the bus!

 

In which Robin hates everything except her friends, then doesn’t, then does, then doesn’t, and goes to nerd camp.

Yesterday, we brought Robin to Advanced Studies and Leadership camp at the Massachusetts Maritime Academy. It’s a terrific program, serving about 200 7th and 8th graders from public school districts on Cape Cod. For three weeks (coming home on weekends), they’ll do a mix of STEM-related classes and activities, a humanities course, team games, music-making, and all kinds of other stuff.

Robin and her friends call it “nerd camp.” They couldn’t be happier or more excited. They’re living in dorms, and assigned roommates not from their own town so that everyone gets to know as many new kids as possible. It’s right on the Cape Cod Canal. A dorm is a dorm, but the view from this one is pretty cool.

I am so proud of her and thrilled for her to have this opportunity. It’ll be the first time she’s been away from home longer than overnight, so a major step for our family, and particularly for her sister. The girls have been fighting lately, which is unusual for them.

Robin can be bossy (first child…), and her emotions can get out of proportion when people don’t behave as she wants them to. Josie can just shut down and refuse to engage. They each get how they get, and know when to give each other a wide berth. But lately, Robin’s been picking fights, and overreacting to things even by 12 year-old girl standards. And the mood swings… omg. Yesterday she was screaming and crying about how she hated everything and nobody understands or listens to her. Ten minutes later she made us all oatmeal cookies. Today, she picked the same fight with Josie as yesterday — ending in the same screaming and crying and self-indulgent wallowing outrage as yesterday, saying how she’s DONE. DONE! with having a sister. Then she asked if they could watch a TV show together.

I think (warning: amateur psychology ahead) that a lot of their fighting has to do with getting ready to be apart and miss each other. It’s easier to be OK with a separation if they’re not feeling so happy together, sure. But more than that, both girls are at developmental stages where each is beginning to see and define herself in the world apart from her family, and apart from her sister in particular: I am like this. You are like that. I am not like that. It is OK for me to be away from that. In fact, I don’t even like that very much, so there.

All normal, I think, but it’s exhausting.

As much as we’re going to miss Robin and the house will feel incomplete while she’s not home, we could all use a break from the whole tween psycho routine. I have whiplash from following the mood swings too closely. I can’t wait to hear how nerd camp is going when she comes home for the weekend, by which time I hope to be out of my neck brace.